Regulars
2010
Letters From the Suburbs: Craigieburn
Thursday, October 28 2010
One word—Delfin. As you wander around the vast expanse that is techinically defined as “Craigieburn”, you wonder how far a suburb can keep expanding.
Test Pattern: Battlelines
Thursday, October 28 2010
As we dragged our weary bodies down a dingy backstreet in Burnley one Tuesday afternoon, slowly and reluctantly making our way to Channel Nine studios, the townhouses turned suddenly to disheveled offices. As we passed the studios for Hey Hey it’s Saturday! and the MTR radio headquarters, we knew we’d reached our lowest point.
Test Pattern: Spinoffs We'd Like To See
Monday, October 11 2010
When TV executives think they’re onto a good thing, they bleed the idea dry. How else can you explain the reappearance of Hey, Hey It’s Saturday! or the continued presence of Jules Lund?
Test Pattern: Fastest Axed TV Shows
Thursday, September 9 2010
The success or failure of a tv show is a mysterious thing. A strange alchemy, often accidental, can create a dazzling hit, while seemingly brilliant choices can create a program so crushingly horrible, the only thing certain is being the butt of the Logie host’s jokes that year (if the joke isn’t indeed the Logie host themselves).
Homo Erectus: The Gay Bogan
Sunday, September 5 2010
Bogans are concerning enough on their own and I, naively, believed that the gay bogan was a contradiction.
On my latest travels, I willingly and voraciously returned to Madrid, one of my favourite and gayest cities. Staying in a funky hostel, I met a few lovely girls who were sleeping in my dorm. One was an Australian who incidentally grew up around the corner from me, and the other was an Amélie-look-a-like from Bordeaux.
Kiki Pants: Into The Wild
Sunday, September 5 2010
Evidently, the sole winners of the federal election were the Greens. It seems fitting, then that I dedicate this column to sexual relations with Australia’s newest movers and shakers: ferals.
On the Couch: Bromance
Sunday, September 5 2010
The word love is used with such frequency that some people feel it has lost all meaning. Whether it be on roadside billboards prescribing Viagra or “I’m so glad I came out tonight, because I think I love you” between youth grinding on the dance floor, love is inescapable.
The Lp, the Wheel and the Wardrobe: Four-eyes
Sunday, September 5 2010
“Do they have lenses in them?” POKE.
“Oh… Ok, they do. Are they real? Or are you just trying to be cool?”
The LP, the Wheel and the Wardrobe
Tuesday, August 17 2010
I don’t have wardrobe problems. I have a problem wardrobe. I’m currently seven to ten coat-hangers short. And I broke the bottom out of three of my drawers. And the runners are slowly dying on others. And the doors don’t close. And I’ve got a box of stuff to throw out next to it…and…and…and…and…
Test Pattern: Election Edition, now with added Fake Julie Bishop
Tuesday, August 17 2010
Election time. It’s a phrase that strikes fear (or at the very least, boredom) into the hearts of many. As if our screens weren’t filled enough with politicians, with the election campaign in full swing, we can be sure of one thing: politicians on tv, ruining most of it. No longer confining themselves to news programs, our leaders now look beyond the shores of 7.30 Report-land – infiltrating, over the last few years, almost every light entertainment program from Sunrise to Talkin ‘Bout Your Generation. Not even the reliably vacuous Hey Hey, It’s Saturday! is safe. Because people who enjoy the cerebral humour of Dickie Knee et al. vote too.